The modern age lifestylers (aka swingers) are far different from the ’70s swingers at key parties. If you come to a party, you’re not expected or forced to throw your keys into a fish bowl and participate. We are much more open, welcoming, and most of all, nonjudgemental. We welcome anyone and everyone – from the curious and timid to the wild veterans, as long as you are respectful and obey the rules…

i.e. always ask for consent!

Basically there are few different tiers of lifestylers: watchers, soft swap, single swap, full swap, and unicorns/bulls.


Don’t worry – this is not some random, creepy, single dude jacking off in the corner. Watchers are couples that come to simply enjoy the atmosphere. They come to just check out what these parties are like, but aren’t ready to jump in and play. Some legitimately like the party, the people, the openness, and that’s all.

Other couples – which, a lot of time, coincide with the prior – come because it’s great foreplay. No matter the reason why they came, it’s almost guaranteed they will go home and have some mind. Blowing. Sex. Think about it – it’s basically watching live porn.


These are couples who play with others without any penetration. They gladly go to first base, will slide into second, might even round third – but will never go all the way to home base. Soft swap couples love coming to parties and playing with their hands and orally but things stop there – which of course, is that couple’s personal choice.

In my experience, soft swap is a way to test the waters, to find out if swapping is right for you. The couple will either eventually dive all the way in or get out completely. Although very rare, a few stay active in the lifestyle for years and remain soft swap.


Only one half of the couple plays with others, while the other half doesn’t play at all or only soft swaps. This is very common for couples where one is a voyeur – someone who gets off watching their significant other having sex with someone else. Another scenario where single swap is very common is when one person in a couple is bisexual, so they both very happily play with another female or male together.

There are some couples, though, where one plays with others, but their partner is not interested. Sometimes it’s just that simple.

Other times, the uninterested one understands that sex is just sex – and their loved one needs that variety. They choose to be apart of it and do it together, instead of cheating. Though with only one partner getting something out of it, single swapping can be a very slippery slope.


Ahh, the pièce de résistance! Where both people in the couple are getting down and dirty. With full swap, every couple has their own rules. Some only play in the same room as each other. Some only play at parties together. Others are fully open and play whenever, wherever (like me!) typically – with their significant other’s blessing.

I know – to some people, this sounds like another world. Most could never see themselves doing something like full swap. But, just wait until you’re having sex with someone while you look into the eyes of your partner while they are having sex with someone else. It’s intensely erotic.


Unicorns are single females and Bulls are single males. Unicorns are always welcome and encouraged at lifestyle events. Whether they are there to play or just prance, we always want more fun, free women. Being a bull is a bit more of a challenge. It’s very hard for a single male to attend public parties – most require them to come with a female. Some will welcome single males, but for a higher price tag.

At smaller private house parties, bulls are more welcome, but be ready to perform and, even more – be respectful.

* * *

I know what many of you are thinking – it’s the number one question I get when talking about the lifestyle: “How do you stay safe from STDs?”

To me, the answer is simple. I would trust someone in the lifestyle over some random I picked up at a bar because lifestylers are so much more conscious about their health. I mean, sex with different people is socommon in their lives, they kind of have to be.

Also, no one ever even tries not to use a condom. If someone is sleazy enough to try, they are practically blacklisted and – because the community is relatively small – word gets around quick. Lifestylers are the most courteous, friendly, honest, and nonjudgemental people I have ever met. They always lookout for the community and especially the women, because if the women aren’t happy – play time’s over.

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